Finally ready to talk…


Why it has taken me so long to write this post, but alas, it has. I guess I just needed a break from talking about myself and this illness. But now I am done. I finished my Radiation on July 18. It was a momentous day and I was so happy. The happy tears came right after I finished my last treatment and I gave the girls in Radiation Suite Room 4 the biggest hugs. They were so good to me during my treatments. During my 5 weeks of treatments, I had very few side effects, which I was very thankful for. I did notice during my few last days of treatment that I began to have a little skin irritation and was told during my last treatment that it may get worse in the next couple of weeks. That in fact did occur. It was like a really bad sunburn. Very irritating and once it started to heal it began to peel just like a bad burn.
The thing is this…I crashed, big time….
The day after my treatments were done I truly expected to be elated, happy and felling like I was free at last. There was actually none of that.  I was quite down that day and as I said I crashed. I could not get going that day…I cried a lot…I didn’t want to see anyone…I didn’t want to talk to anyone…My kids were very concerned that day…My husband came home early from work because he was worried about me…My mother was so consoling on the phone but it didn’t work…I did no know what to do!!!
About 2:30 in the afternoon my family doctor called me…(he has been calling me about every two weeks to check up on me)…such a coincidence that he should call me that day.
His phone call started as all the other ones did…How are you??? I broke down into tears..Of joy, of fear, of stress or of madness. But he helped me into the right direction. He helped me see that despite how quickly this all occured and how well I had done physically to heal from everything that now it was time for my mental healing to occur. And this day was the start of it. Everything had happened so fast that mentally I didn’t have time to grasp it all. I kept so busy prior to my surgery as a way to forget or try to escape from my own head that I had to start to heal now in my head and absorb how to incorporate all of this STUFF into my life and brain.
Well, now it is about 1 month and a week since that fateful day in July. I am so much better in so many ways. I have seen my Plastic Surgeon the end of July and he is good with everything. I am looking at more surgery in about a year. This is for furthur surgery on my breasts. Without going into too much details, it will make them look more even and symmetrical. I see him in January of 2012 and we will talk furthur about surgery then.
I have had a good summer with my boys and husband. The ability to see every football game has been such a luxury that I will never forget. I have been doing some fun things with the kids, going to movies, driving them to various sports camps and to top it off some camping and then to top it off a trip to Rogers Center last weekend to see my youngest, Jared and his team, win the first OVFL Provincial Championship for Cambridge Peewee Football. So exciting!!!
I have also filled my summer with crafting; which I truly know through this whole experience has been my peaceful, soulful time. I renovated my craft room prior to my surgery and to come down here to this wonderful peaceful, calming room has been absolutely necessary for me. I feel like nothing can hurt me in here. Probably silly to you all, but again absolutely necessary to me.
I cannot tell you how brave my husband Richard and sons, Simon and Jared have been this whole time. You know, people never really ask them how they are all doing through all of this. Such a shame really. They lived it as much as I did. They saw the happy and sad days and lived through it with me. I know they are so good and kind and I will never forget every hug, every kiss, and every encouraging word. I love them so much for that.
Something else I did this summer was fly home to Newfoundland to see my Mom and Dad. I went by myself and it was like my victory lap so to speak. If you remember, my mother and father came up to stay with me for 4 weeks after my surgery. I will never be able to thank them enough for that. But my Mom really wanted to see me after my treatments, so I decided in discussion with my family, that a trip home would be good for me. I was still healing and still pretty tired during the day but hoped that it would not matter too much. And it didn’t. There were some flight delays but it was OK. I did get a little tired but it was all good. I got to see some family and see a lot of my town that I had not seen in almost 8 years. My mom and dad had moved into a new home and it was just lovely. I actually helped her with some decorating while I was there so it was so much fun.

Once I returned home from Newfoundland I continued to heal and rest. I was unaware of how long it would take to heal from Radiation. Dr. Gopaul told me it would take 2 months and he was so right. There are still days when I don’t have energy to do much and I let those days be as they are. But the days of felling better are getting more frequent and less and less about healing. I look forward to my next doctors appointment on the 14th of September. I do hope Dr. Gopaul allows me to get back to work. We discussed it a little in our last meeting and he talked a little about returning at reduced hours for a bit. Makes sense to me too. But we shall see…
So I want to thank all of you as well…You all know who you are. I could not have done this without all of you supporting me. The calls, cards, flowers, emails, tweets, etc meant everything to me. Now I must finish…it has been too long a post as it is. Thanks for reading and I will update you as soon as I see Dr Gopaul in September.
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Comments

  1. So proud of you, Judy! It's a hard journey and you did awesome with it!! Would love to see you and catch up one of these days…maybe do a bit of scrapping??Be patient with the fatigue, I promise it gets better!!xo

  2. I read this with tears of joy for you Judy!!! You've had a very difficult journey and managed it with so much bravery and courage. I'm doing a happy dance for you and wish you all things good for today, tomorrow and all the days to come. {{{Hugs}}}

  3. Glad to read that you are in a better place mentally and doing so well healing from the radiation. You've been through an ordeal, it takes awhile for the body and mind to process and deal with everything that's been thrown at you. So glad that your craft room has been your haven.R/

  4. Judy, your post has really touched me. I knew you were going for treatments and I have been keeping you in my prayers, but since I have never been through something like this myself, I had no idea how difficult it can be. Thank you for writing from your heart. May you continue to grow stronger each day and I am so happy that you have had a good summer despite everything. Hugs to you!Joanne xo

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